Christina

09:09 pm: Blah

Ok, so maybe this dad thing is bothering me more than Im letting on.  Ive caught myself almost crying a few times, and I feel lost, which is stupid.  Why should I feel any differant? I mean, this isnt anything I havent dealt with before, so why is it so differant this time.

02:01 pm: Such and Such
 Oy, how do I even start.  If you know me, you know the drama of my parents, and probably a good bit about my life, if not, well, welcome to the neighborhood.  So alot has been going on, bits and pieces I'll post here and there.  Chances are, I'll be the only one reading this, but hey, they say writing is theraputic so lets give it a go.  Quick rundown, Jace (father of the four minions) hurt his back a month ago, and has been off work (corrections officer).  Somehow through a miscommunication, he got fired. ~wrinkles nose~ Im not going to go into details much there, but bascially, he's trying to get his job back through the union.  So there is that stress.  The whole anxiety attack thing, hospital etc etc, I dont really want to deal with much more at the moment.  Dont take that as thoughts of suicide, I love my little ones waaay to much, but seriously, if there was a hole I could crawl into for a while, I would love it.  Can we make it cozy, with pillows and warm blankies??  

So anyhow, onto the drama of things.  Jason calls my dad, just to fill him in, cause hey, its the nice thing to do.  And my dad says to him, if there is anything I can do let me know.  Nuff said.  Then my phone rings and its my mom, my dad is freaking out, she says, call him, calm him down or he wont sleep tonight.  Now knowing in the past how my conversations that arent superficial with my father go, I really am not looking forward to this.  I call him, leave message and moments later he calls back.. He says, what did you call for, I say, just to talk to you about whats going on.  He goes through this tirad of this is shit etc etc etc, telling me all the things I already know.  Then he says to me, Ive worked to hard for what I have, Im sorry but you cannot live with me.  What the shit?? Where did this come from? Seriously, first of all...as a parent, I would do anything I could to help my kids, I dont care what it takes.  This man is selfish, something Ive known for most of my 26 years, but aparently havent faced because I go into this somewhat spiraling downward fall out.  But it doesnt stop there.  I say to him, Im not asking you for anything, and I understand that you dont want 6 more people living in your tiny house, hell I dont want to live there to be honest (this is not an issue atm!)  BUt then he starts in on how my family is pigs (I'll post pictures later, Im sorry I believe in letting my children have toys around the house)  and he doesnst want to deal with that.  He says, dont be stupid, if you need 20, 50 bucks here or there, I'll help you out.  I love you, bye.    I get off the phone and promptly throw myself into a crying fit (yay) that Jace calms me down from.  And I come to the realization that Im never going to be good enough for my dad.  I could be a multi-millionaire doctor, and somehow, something would be wrong with me.  But I also realized today, Im a damn good person, and a hell of a better parent then he could ever be.

The last bit entails my mother. She calls, I tell her what just happened.  Oh! and I left out, aparently he's embarassed that Im his daughter, isnt that just the shit.  Anyhow, she tries to feed me this song and dance of, your dad is overracting and upset, and he has always lashed out on you, he loves you the most in this world.  I tell my mom this is shit, and Im not dealing with it anymore.  He is a selfish man, and Im not letting him talk to me like this.  I told her, that if he calls me again, and the conversation takes the turn of him belitting me, Im going to say, I love you daddy, but the conversation is over for now and hang up.  She tells me, two wrongs dont make a right Christina (now how the hell is this wrong?) anyhow, Im not going to argue with her, she's in this lovely fantasy world, and I would hate to be the one to bring her out of it.

 

Tags: parents